Why Rebirth will probably never come out

December 7, 2009 by admin

lilwayne1

Less than a year after Tha Carter III, Lil Wayne’s publicity machine is spreading the word about his follow-up, Rebirth. I’m excited to hear it, considering Wayne is more or less at the height of his creative game. But I’ve got a couple problems with the project.

First of all, it’s a rock album. This could work theoretically, I suppose, since that Kevin Rudolf song on which Wayne is featured, “Let It Rock” isn’t bad. But while Wayne’s vocals can be fine when mixed with a rock beat, you know Wayne is going to insist on playing guitar on the album. That could be disastrous. I saw him play Summer Jam last year, in fact, and it was a unbearable.

Apparently he’s been boning up on his technique with Kid Rock since then, which to me sounds roughly the equivalent of learning to rap from Weird Al Yankovic. Wayne also says he collaborated with Fallout Boy on the work, which is roughly the equivalent of getting Michael Jordan to play on your baseball team.

My other big problem with Rebirth is the way it’s being marketed. Cash Money is essentially lying to people about when the album will come out. Wayne told MTV News in mid-February that it would be released May 19, but just yesterday I got a press release from Cash Money saying the album was coming out April 7.

Then again I probably shouldn’t get too worked up about it. There’s not a chance in hell it will come out on either of those dates. Tha Carter III was held back for well over a year so Wayne could hype it up via free mixtapes, cough syrup-addled interviews and other shenanigans. It was pretty brilliant marketing, actually, the industry equivalent of foreplay. Naturally, then, when the thing finally got a physical release there was an, um, explosion of interest from the fans.

So one assumes there’s going to be a long, slow buildup for Rebirth, too. That’s fine, just don’t lie to us. We all know those release dates are bullshit. In fact, here are some things more likely to happen before May 19:

*Citibank will announce that the majority of its share of the government’s bailout funds will be deposited directly into its customers’ accounts.

*Chris Brown will become the new spokesman for Maybelline Cosmetics.

*Rick Ross will be announced as Mensa’s new president.

*After Keith Richards goes down with emphysema, Wayne himself will be chosen as the Rolling Stones’ touring guitar player.

I could be wrong. But just to show you how confident I am, I’m going to make a pledge. If Rebirth is released on or before May 19, I will film myself lip-synching “Prom Queen” while wearing women’s underwear, and post it to YouTube.

I know some of you out there are excited by that possibility, and I’m honored.

Words by Ben Westhoff

Filed Under: FEATURED, The Vault - Editorial and inverviews
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