Will rappers ever retire?

December 7, 2009 by admin

fiascoDespite the fact that they’re all decades away from collecting social security, rappers including Jay-Z, Eminem, The Game, Lupe Fiasco and Saigon have all announced plans for retirement in recent years.

My first problem with these claims is they’re such obvious publicity stunts. Jay-Z and Eminem both quickly reneged, of course, paving the way for “comeback” albums. The Game and Lupe have said LAX and LupE.N.D will be their swan songs, although pretty much nobody believes them. Saigon’s pledge, meanwhile, seemed especially weird, considering he hadn’t even released an album when he said it.

These phony retirement announcements annoy me. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I prefer someone who does what he says and says what he does. Someone who doesn’t think I’m a total idiot.

Also, I like these rappers’ work, and I’m usually dumb enough to take their fake retirement plans seriously, at least for a few minutes. Call me sentimental, but even the possibility that they might stop making music is somewhat distressing.

But there’s one guy I wish would keep his word – Common. In 2007 he said he was going to quit to make movies, because, you know, the world was just dying for another Brown Sugar. (I will say, though, that he’s funny in those Saturday Night Live sketches alongside Andy Samberg’s “Blizzard Man” character.)

But then not only did he renege, he proceeded to release the biggest, steamiest pile of poo in his discography, last year’s Universal Mind Control. In my review of the album I said it was full of “metaphysical mumbo-jumbo,” “the sound of a man who needs to take up golf.”

The CD was so bad that it almost certainly scarred his legacy. He was like Bill Clinton, who also had everything going for him once upon a time – a great economy, no big wars, no real problems. But then along came you know what. Yep, I’ll say it, Universal Mind Control was Common’s Monica Lewinsky.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder if any rapper has retired, ever. Sure, plenty of failed emcees have had to take jobs at the post office or the car wash to pay the bills, but has any rapper ever quit because he wanted to?

There probably is one, but for the life of me I can’t think of whom. You can bet that every geriatric founding father emcee from the Bronx will get up on stage if you offer him enough cash, and those are the oldest rappers there are.

Even Will Smith and Ice Cube, who both have very lucrative film careers to fall back on, still annoy everybody by coming out with a new album every few years.

Along with Common, I say they form a support group for those who can’t stop themselves from destroying their own legacies. Call it Rapaholics Anonymous. They can also invite LL Cool J.

Words by Ben Westhoff

Filed Under: The Vault - Editorial and inverviews
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    By Dana Murray on March 25, 2009 at 11:03 pm

  2. problem is there is no inbetween, either everyone is wack , or dope i..e jay z, eminem.

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